Hey Jenny,

I just can’t get over how gross Robert’s new haircut is. I mean, it’s so, like, 1950’s. Who would actually think that that, like, looks good on them?! I mean, it’s just, like, “Ew!” Who cuts their hair with a part, like, down the middle, dyes the two parts, like, blue and yellow, and then, like, believes that no one will, like, notice? I mean, like, his reaction when the first person asked him about it was just like, whoa, I didn’t think that anyone would, like, notice. I mean, really?

How did his parents let him get that? I mean, there’s no way they were there, or else he would be, like, totally grounded. How does that, like, even work, being grounded? Are you just, like, thrown into, like, a hole in the ground or something? That makes, like, the most sense to me. Anyway, I’m writing this to talk about his hair, and his hair, like, scares me. Like, the two things that scare me in life are butterflies, and Robert’s haircut.

Anyway, just letting you know to avoid looking at his hair as much as possible, so you can avoid falling over in laughter, and, like, dying. I gotta go, my parents are making me do homework, the most useless thing on this planet. See ya later!

Gertrude

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The old man, with the black glasses as dark as the darkest night, stared back at me. His eyes, although covered, seemed to follow me around the room. A small, hoarse request emanated from the dying man’s mouth. “Come here, boy”. I hurriedly complied as I rushed to his bedside. He looked at me, seeing into the depths of my soul. He spoke quickly, as to not waste a single, precious moment, saying “something is coming, and there’s nothing you can do”.

“I have seen what lies beyond, and there will be no way you can save your family, your friends, or yourself”. At this, I chuckled to myself at the senile old man’s theories, but the chuckle died as soon as I saw that he had not turned his gaze away from me. “You think me a fool, boy” he rasped desperately. His time was running out. “Once I am gone, there will be no one left who believes in me. Unless, of course, you choose to believe”. This time, and uncontrollable fit of laughter came over me, as I feel to the floor, laughing my heart out. As I was able to regain control over myself, I stood up again, only to find the old man not moving, not breathing, or making a sound.

As I notified the nearest doctor, I quickly made my escape. “What if”, I said to no one in particular, “what if he had been taken before more had been said? What if someone didn’t want us to be warned?” The thoughts quickly ran through my mind as I saw the lightning crash to Earth, the lava erupting in the streets, people running for dear life, as the end of days began.

The year: unknown. The date: unknown.

After the nuclear fire, the thick blanket of dirt and smoke enveloped the entire landscape. Nothing can be found here, as the buildings are so dilapated that there is no color left on the bricks, and the once-proud pieces of architecture, 100 stories high, now lay in scattered pieces of rubble. As I took in the smells, which was hard to do through the unwieldy gas mask, a sense of death still clung to the area in the form of rotting flesh. The rancid smell overtook me as I climbed over the burned-out shells of cars, as I made my way back to the shelter. As the wind blew off some thick black dirt from the road that was without color now, a flyer was exposed.

It contained the entire cause of the apocalypse in just 5 short words. As I stared at it in wonder, my surroundings became clearer than ever. The sun was completely blotted out due to the immense amount of greenhouse gases that had been pumped into the atmosphere, but a few rays managed to shove their way through. This light was the only reason that I could see anything. As I reached the abandoned subway station that was my shelter, the stifling silence was interrupted only by faintest bark of a dog, as I sat alone, so alone, in my small hole in the ground that once was a bustling subway stop in Manhattan.

As I stared at the flyer, gas mask still on, I carefully observed the piece of paper that had taken everything from everyone. With this one paper, I finally knew the reason behind all the suffering and hardship. The flyer read “Kanye West for President: 2020”.