How do anti-vaxxers, moon landing doubters, and Alex Jones-ers garner attention and credence from the public, and what structures unify their assertions? We used the tried-and-true Dr. Coven modeling method to recognize the patterns among conspiracy theories. We presented our models, disputed each others’ creations, and came to important conclusions about the motives and appeals underlying conspiracy. Our findings: conspiracy theorists react to dominant ideas, scapegoat out-groups, and fearmonger to attract a following.