No, nobody asked for this ranking, but yes, you will enjoy it. A spur of the moment decision prompted this deep dive. While there might not have been meticulous thought put into every placement on this list, I attempted to provide solid reasoning. Please enjoy.

Tier 9: Incredibly Unenjoyable. Painful, even.

This tier belongs to the most disliked of the disliked. This is the home of the bitter rivals and the heartbreaks.

31. Golden State Warriors

As a Cavs fan, I think it’s fairly obvious why Golden State has received the honor of being my most disliked team. In fact, I’m having a hard time thinking of anything I do like about this team. Steve Kerr, perhaps? I don’t mind him. That’s it though. I do not like Steph Curry. I do not like the way I’m supposed to like him. Why? Because he’s a generational talent? I can acknowledge that without liking him. In fact, that makes me dislike him more. I also do not like Klay Thompson. I especially do not like Draymond Green- for obvious reasons. I mean, come on. Their continual success is the bane of my existence.

30. Atlanta Hawks

The wounds are still very fresh. Trae Young eliminating the Cavs from the play-in this past season broke both my heart and my morale. Seriously- I had to rev up the Hawks/Cavs 2016 Playoff Series in order to quell the anger that the Hawks evoked. Besides, Trae Young makes me very unhappy. It’s all fun and games when it’s the Knicks he’s waving goodbye to, but when it’s the shards of my broken heart that he gleefully stomps on- not cool. I know that Young revels in being a villain so I will continue to support that endeavor with this placement.

Tier 8: Boooooooooooo.

While these teams haven’t personally hurt me, and don’t actively evoke painful memories, I still dislike them heavily. These are the teams that I would heckle heavily and shamelessly.

29. Brooklyn Nets

Where to start. The 8-seed D’Angelo Russell Nets would not have occupied this slot. However, the 2022 Nets ensemble with Kyrie peddling Anti-Semitic propaganda and a potential Ime Udoka hiring certainly does. I mean, yikes. Kyrie and his 2016 Finals performance will always hold a beloved spot in my heart- but jeez. The pseudo-intelligent, desperate-to-be-a-martyr Kyrie of today is incredibly dislikable. That, along with just the miserable attitude and frankly, depressing fanbase receives a solid “boooooo” from me. Thank you for Jarrett Allen. That’s all.

28. Houston Rockets

While the others may have solid rationale and legitimate reasons, this Houston Rockets placement isn’t quite as grounded. I simply do not like the Rockets. They are just so aggressively dislikable. Even to each other. They have gotten in several fights several times at their own bench. Seriously. Also, Kevin Porter Jr. broke my heart. I was rooting for him and he let me down. I also do not enjoy Jalen Green. No, he is not better than Evan Mobley! If I have to hear that again, I may just break down. I hope they fail miserably. Booooooo.

27. Los Angeles Lakers (sans LeBron)

The Lakers receive a solid thumbs down from me. For two main distinguishable reasons. One, why am I being forced to watch seventy nationally televised Laker games? Yes, I’m aware, Los Angeles, Lakers, LeBron- but they’re not good TV! Two, the Lakers are truly atrocious and wasting away precious LeBron seasons. It’s truly painful to watch that team with poor shooting and poor effort force LeBron to have to carry them in Year 19. Honestly, for that alone- they deserve a heavy amount of heckling.

26. Boston Celtics

I like Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown actually. They’re very talented. Deuce is almost enough to lift the Celtics out of this slot alone, but no. I do not like the Celtics simply because they are the Boston Celtics. Just a very unlikable franchise, especially for a Cavs fan. That’s all really.

25. Miami Heat

Thoroughly dislike this franchise. Not much more than that. Needless to say, I will not be taking my talents to South Beach.

24. Toronto Raptors

While I might like the burgeoning rivalry between the Cavs and the Raptors, I won’t really admit it. I mean, I’m sure the Raptors would prefer a rivalry as opposed to the sheer dominance of the LeBronto years. What fantastic memories. Scottie Barnes took Evan Mobley’s ROTY and Gary Trent Jr. took out Darius Garland’s eye. Two strikes right there.

23. Philadelphia 76ers

Whenever I see the 76ers on the calendar I know I’ll have to allot an extra thirty minutes because of the excessive foul stoppage. Nothing screams fun basketball than foul baiting. The process is not to be trusted. I didn’t like them and then they acquired James Harden. Certainly didn’t help their power ranking. I like Philly though. Just not their team. Sorry about the Phillies as well.

Tier 7: Enjoy Watching Them Lose. (For Standings Purposes… mostly)

This tier is home to Eastern Conference teams that may affect the Cavs’ playoff hopes and dreams. Some of them are disliked more than others for more complicated reasons than just playoff seeding, but all share that baseline. Their loss = my gain.

22. Chicago Bulls

Chicago, you can thank Joakim Noah and Joakim Noah alone for this slot.

21. New York Knicks

Being a Knicks fan seems painfully embarrassing. Just one thing after another. Bad drafts, bad trades (or non-trades, Donovan Mitchell comes to mind), bad management. And yet, New York still receives all the glitz and glamour of a big market. Truly annoying. Not really worried about them in playoff seeding, but would like them to stay clear just for peace of mind.

20. Charlotte Hornets

I live in North Carolina so this makes me feel a little bad- but I’m not really a fan of Charlotte. LaMelo is fun, I suppose. Anyways, stay out of the playoff race please.

19. Washington Wizards

Two reasons why I look at the Wizards at all. One, to make sure they’re losing enough and staying below the Cavs for playoff seeding and two, for Kyle Kuzma’s fashion.

Tier 6: Apathetic, but negatively

I’m fully aware that this doesn’t quite make sense, but it does. These are the teams that I don’t strongly dislike but also don’t particularly like and thus, lean more on the dislike side. But in the long run, I don’t really care.

18. Orlando Magic

I don’t particularly have strong feelings regarding this often-forgotten Florida franchise, but I do know I don’t regard them fondly. There’s nothing to dislike but there’s also nothing to like! And frankly, the Orlando franchise just makes me sad. Do Orlando fans exist? I’m sorry.

17. Minnesota Timberwolves

The former haunting grounds of Kevin Love and Ricky Rubio. Also, running out a lineup with two seven-footers is terribly unoriginal. Have your own thing please, Minnesota. Also, Anthony Edwards is still on probation for me.

16. Phoenix Suns

The Suns have been sinking their way down my power rankings. At first, when they were just a fun over-achieving team, I liked them. But now they’re just not living up to where they should be, and that’s simply not fun. Also, some of those personalities are just not likeable to say the least.

15. Detroit Pistons

Little Caeser’s Arena is a delightfully named arena. Not much there for me other than that. I don’t think I enjoy Cade Cunningham all that much but I also don’t actively wish for him to fail. Detroit- this isn’t personal.

14. Sacramento Kings

I suppose I’m not fully apathetic towards this franchise, because I do feel bad for them. Are they rebuilding, tanking? Will they ever escape? I guess, in a way, I am rooting for them to get out of the mediocre chasm. But also, if the Kings fell off the face of the Earth- I’m not sure I’d notice.

Tier 5: Apathetic, but positively

Basically the opposite of the last tier. I don’t strongly like them but I don’t particularly dislike them and thus, I lean more on the like side. I’m not a fan but also I don’t root against them, and I don’t mind seeing them succeed but I don’t really have a reason.

13. Oklahoma City Thunder

Shai is cool. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a Thunder game when they weren’t playing the Cavs. I don’t think I will either. I do have faith in them eventually having a successful rebuild- can’t say the same for the last team.

12. San Antonio Spurs

I don’t mind seeing the Spurs win and I like Gregg Popovich. Other than that, I have no leanings one way or another for the San Antonio Spurs. The more things come out about this Josh Primo stuff… might be sinking down these rankings.

11. LA Clippers

The preferable LA team, but also always the second one. I think I wouldn’t enjoy being the second place LA team, especially if I was the better one. That would be frustrating. However, I don’t particularly care. I think a fully healthy Clipper team with Kawhi playing well would catapult this team up in these rankings. I do enjoy watching Reggie Jackson skip down the court.

10. Indiana Pacers

I think the Indiana Pacers have been placed this high because I like Tyrese Haliburton and I think they’re scrappy (in a good way) and also because of my brief stint as a dedicated Arizona Wildcat fan this past March Madness. Bennedict Mathurin is somehow toeing the line between endearingly wild and simply annoying. No, I don’t think he’s the best player to ever grace the basketball floor, but I will enjoy watching him try to be.

9. Dallas Mavericks

Luka magic. Need I say more?

8. Portland Trail Blazers

There’s something admirable about extreme loyalty (even if it’s sometimes foolish) and sticking with one team. And for that, Damian Lillard is alright in my book. Plus, they have lots of potential to be fun. Let me know when Dame Time is, I’ll tune in.

7. Denver Nuggets

Nikola Jokic is so bizarre but so captivating. The way he shoots with such lightness after lumbering down the court and the way he whips passes through defenders- magical. I have no qualms with his MVPs.

Tier 4: Pleasant Experience

These teams have managed to escape the sinkhole of apathy to where I’ll actually click them on the League Pass menu. This tier is home to teams with high ceilings and young talent that are particularly enjoyable for me to watch.

6. New Orleans Pelicans

Larry Nance Jr. holds a special place in my heart and that’s why I originally began tuning in to Pelicans games- but then they were fun. I think “pleasant experience” aptly describes Pelican watching. Guys occupying their own roles with lots and lots of young talent. I believe New Orleans has a very high ceiling- if they can stay healthy.

5. Memphis Grizzlies

Ja Morant is must see TV. He and his whole cast of young talent (this is a theme at the top of my power rankings) are just very, very fun to watch. Last year, I viewed Memphis as a year ahead of my Cavs, and so their success felt like prophesizing, and thus, I enjoyed their abundance of success. Chemistry is big here too. I think the team in Memphis likes each other and that does wonders for their fun rating.

Tier 3: Enjoy and Root For (When Not Playing the Cavs)

The teams who live in this tier aren’t just an absent-minded click, they are active clicks. They are thoroughly enjoyable. I have even become attached, and I actively root for them. However, it is an important distinction to make that I do not root for them when they are playing the Cavs. The Cavs always come first.

4. Milwaukee Bucks

I love Giannis. Personally, I think he is the absolute best player in the league. He is so naturally talented, but also so hardworking and has such a wonderful attitude. Watching Giannis play basketball is such a treat. He’s also so delightfully funny. Plus, any superstar who chooses to take part in All-Star events and goes hard in the All-Star Game receives so many bonus points from me. Giannis, along with a very talented but likeable supporting cast (sans Grayson Allen) Jrue Holiday, Khris Middleton, Brook Lopez allows me to happily bestow upon them this placement.

3. LeBron James (sans Los Angeles Lakers)

Yes, I’m fully aware that LeBron is not an NBA team. But, this is my list and therefore that discrepancy does not matter. I will root for LeBron wherever he goes. He is my GOAT after all and responsible for a sizable amount of my Cavalier joy. LeBron, let us win for a while without you, but then when you’re ready to retire in five or six years- the door is open.

Tier 2: West Cavs

2. Utah Jazz

Lovingly nicknamed the West Cavs by me, the Utah Jazz are, at least presently, a joy to watch and root for. This nickname stems from the plethora of former Cavs who grace the Utah roster and the team-oriented, hustle-driven, simply-enjoying-basketball attitude they possess while actively overachieving that the Cavs trademarked last year. Collin Sexton, all the way from his drafting in 2018, was my favorite basketball player. His heart, his grit, his incredible motor- he was my guy. I did in fact shed a tear when he got traded. I want only the best for Collin and that’s what initially made me tune in to Utah for Game 1. However, Utah is sitting pretty at #1 in the West, and I’m thoroughly liking it. Lauri Markkanen is a joy to root for as well. While I will credit Cleveland for his development and confidence, Lauri is a blossoming star. While it may just be because it’s Utah- I believe in the Finnisher. It’s also fun to see that Jordan Clarkson has the same bottomless shooting confidence. Kelly Olynyk, my least favorite player has somehow weaseled his greasy head onto this Utah roster but I will continue to ignore him- wouldn’t want him to rip my shoulder out of its socket too. In conclusion, I take back some of the unkind things I have said about sSalt Lake City, Utah following the Sexton trade, and will replace them with the abundant praise I will heap onto them. Also, thank you Utah for Donovan Mitchell.

Tier 1: Cleveland, this is for you

1. Cleveland Cavaliers

I mean, duh. This whole list revolves around the Cavs so it certainly is no surprise that the Cavs occupy the top spot for me. Honestly, I don’t think it really requires much explanation given the depth of my fandom and appreciation. This is my team. But, even if I wasn’t a Cavs fan, it’s undeniable how likeable this team is. Other than when it’s your team on the wrong side of an inopportune Cavalanche, how could you dislike the Cavs? Just a young, incredibly talented group of guys that are incredibly tightknit. Culture is such a buzzword for teams, but in this case, the Cavs culture is a thing of beauty. The way each player and coach prioritizes the team above all else and gives each game their all- beautiful. And they’re winning too? It’s almost too much for the likeability meter. Stay tuned for more Cavs gushing in the coming weeks.